Everyone’s Irish


 (Click Me I am Irish)
  
Top o’ day to ye!
I wish a great day to ye on the universal day when we are all Irish.
Try not to indulge yourself too much.  Hoist one to me and I to you.
 
Most importantly “Kiss Me I’m Irish!”
 
Unicorn Kisses,
Wayward Bill
 
 
  
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his
priest,  “I almost had an affair with another woman.”
The priest said, “What do you mean, almost?” The Irishman said,
“Well,  we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.”
The priest said, “Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five
Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box.”
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, “I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

The   Irishman replied, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!”

 

There once was a religious young Irish woman who went to confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, “Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.” Father Sean said, “Confess your sins and be
forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” Father Sean thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”
 
The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?” Father Sean
said, “No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.”
 

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a  mass for the poor creature?”

Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”

Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya ‘think $5,000
is enough to donate to them for the service?” Father Patrick
exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me
the dog was Catholic?”
 

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:  Man: “I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife  of 70 years,  many  children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I  picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I  had sex  with each of them three times.” Father O’Mally: “Are you sorry for your sins?”

Man: “What sins?”
 
Priest: “What kind of a Catholic are you?”

Man: “I’m Jewish.”

Priest: “Why are you telling me all this?”

Man: “I’m 92 years old … I’m telling everybody.”

 

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.  Upon her  return, 
her father cussed her.  “Where have ye been all this time?   Why did ye
not write to  us, not even a line?  Why didn’t ye call?   Can ye not
understand what ye put yer old man thru?

 The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, Sniff…Dad….I became a 
prostitute…”.
 Ye what!?  Out of here, ye shameless harlot!  Sinner! You’re a  disgrace  to this family.”

 OK, dad–as ye wish.  I just came back to give mum this luxurious  fur 
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings  certificate for $5 million

For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling
new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked  outside plus 
membership to the country club…(takes a breath)  and  an invitation for ye  all to spend New Years Eve on board my new  yacht in the Riviera 
and…”
 “Now what was it ye said ye had become?”  says Dad. Girl, crying  again, 
“Sniff, sniff…a prostitute dad!  Sniff, sniff.”
 “Oh! Be Jesus!  Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said  a
Protestant.  Come here and give yer old man a hug!”
 
 
 

About waywardbill

Chairman, United States Marijuana Party
This entry was posted in Holidays. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Everyone’s Irish

  1. ηικκιħart says:

    Hi Bill,
    I hope all is going great for you. And hope you have a wonderful weekend and Happy St patrick’s day.

    *•:*´¨`*:•..•:*´¨`* :•..•:*´¨`*:•..•:*      May your blessings outnumber         The shamrocks that grow,         And may trouble avoid you              Wherever you go.
                     *Click Here*
     
              нαρρу ѕт ραтяι¢к’ѕ ∂αу                                      ηιккι♥*•:*´¨`*:•..•:*´¨`* :•..•:*´¨`*:•..•:*
     

  2. Max says:

     
    Hello Bill,
     
    Here to wish you a happy
    St. Patricks Day! Filled with pots of gold!
    …….. .-. .-……………….. (   |   )…………….. .-.:  |  ;,-………… (_ __`.|.’_ __)……….. (    ./Y\.    )………….`-.-‘ | `-.-‘………………. |…………………… |…………..
     

    Filled with pots of gold!
     
    ¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨) (¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´¸¸.·´¯`·-☼Brenda☼ `·.::¦:.·´ )
     

  3. ♥Dirt-Angel©♥ says:

    My good friend, Bill…  you know my birthday was on the Ides of March. Does that mean anything? Probably not, but fun to mention.Long time no see. I’ve missed you!*·:*´¨`*:·..·:*´¨`* :·..·:*´¨`*:·..·:*(¯`v´¯)¤…Hugs!♪.`•.¸.•´ ¸.•´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨) (`’·.Happy St¸.·’´)(`’·.Patricks Day!¸.·’´)¸.·*)*¸.·´¨)*´¨)¸.·*¨)(¸.·(¸.·´ .·´¸¸.·´*´¨)~♥~~♥~~♥~Dirt-Angel~♥~~♥~~♥~http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i38/mtb-dirtangel/tink2.gif

  4. Val says:

    Hello once again.. coming to drop off my weekend gif..and my St. Patricks Day gif… hope you have a wonderful weekend.. keep smiling .. keep shiningand most of all keep safe.. i apologize once again.. for this has to be ageneric message.. but hey.. better to get ag. message then none at all.. and yikes.. i am trying.. ok.. i finally took pictures of my new place… but i still  have not installed my camera to mycomputer.. hopefully.. next week.. i will put themon my space.. anyways.. you take care.. now.. ops.. guess i should leave my wee gifs right?hehehehhehe<a href="http://photobucket.com&quot; target="_blank"><img src="http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/whisperingstorm01/hamw2ws07.gif&quot; border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a><a href="http://photobucket.com&quot; target="_blank"><img src="http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j237/whisperingstorm01/spdwish1ws07.gif&quot; border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>smiles & Hugssss

  5. Carlos says:

    G’Day Bill,
    Hilarious, Yeah everyone is Irish this week lol, here is my tag and the same for you have fun on St Patrick’s day but d not drink too much Ja Ja.
    Cheers from devil’s land
    Carlos

  6. marisela says:

    …… ..|—-|… …  …..|—-|…  HOY NO ES UN DIA ESPECIAL  ……..|0000|… ……..|0000|…  PERO KIERO …….**………….|0000|… ……..|0000|…  KE ME ACOMPAÑES ……**.                                           ……..|0000|… ……..|0000|…  A BRINDAR ……..**…..  ……..|0000|… ……..|0000|…  POR NUESTRA AMISTAD……                     …….. 00/…. ……..00/…  QUE AUNKE SIEMPRE…**…  ……… /…. ……….. /….  ES DISTANTE, HAY…**….  ………..||…… …………||….  UNA PAGINA, UN ESPACIO.*. ………..||…… …………||….  QUE NOS UNE Y KE  NOS.**…………||…… …………||….  HACE COMPARTIR MOMENTOS..  ………._||_…. ………_||_…  AGRADABLES..**..MARY..**.  

  7. Grinchy's Gone Wild says:

     
    Hey Bill-!!
     
    It’s time for my Special Grinchy wish for you:
     
     
    "May Bleeding Boils torment you,
    May Corns grow on your Feet,
    May Crabs as big as Roaces,
    Crawl ’round yer Balls and Eat-
     
    May the Whole World turn Against you,
    Till yer a total Wreck,
    And your Head falls thru yer Anus,
    And Chokes your Fucking Neck!!
     
     
    Happy "GRINCH-PATRICK’S DAY" to ya!!
     
    Drink Green Beer, Smoke Green Bud, & Taker’ Sleazy buddy!!😛
     
    ~GRINCHY~
     
     
     

  8. GERI says:

    Hiya Bill..:)
     
     Just when we thought Spring was here we got more Snow dumped on us this morning.  
    So there will be snow flakes in our beer this year at the parade tomorrow but heck this is Canada..eh!!.. lol 
    Erin Go Brah!!
     
    May you always have
    a Sunbeam to warm you
    a Moonbeam to charm you and
    a sheltering angel so nothing can
    harm you.

     
    and
     

     

    Happy St Patricks Day!!…….. .-. .-……………….. (   |   )…………….. .-.:  |  ;,-………… (_ __`.|.’_ __)……….. (    ./Y\.    )………….`-.-‘ | `-.-‘………………. |…………………… |…………..
     
    Take care,
     
    Geri
    xxox

  9. Cσяσиα says:

    Hey baby wassup????

    Håvê å grêå† wêêk ßåߥ!

    ……..* ..* ……..*………* …..*……………* …*………………..* ..*………………….* .*……………………*………*….* *…………………….*…*…………..* .*…………………….*……………….* ..*…………………….*…………….* …*…………………………………* …..*…………………………….* ……..*………………………* ………..*………………….* ……………*……………* ………………*……….* …………………*…..* ………………….*..* ……………………* ……………………* …………………..* ……………………* ……………………..* ………………………..* …………………………..* ……………………………* ………………………….* ……………………….* ………………………* …………………….* …………………..* ……………………..* ………………………..*

  10. Iris says:

    RDOTFLMFAO ;D & I thought that the song on my space was bad HAhaha.
    Thanks for the St.Pats greeting Bill.I hope ya had a good one too Bud :)We went to a St.Pats party & had a great time. They even had an accordean(sp?) player there, playin some jigs ,lottsa food & guitar music with all other types of music too🙂
     
    I donno whats going on with that friends link to my space not working still.The past cpl of weeks I am not able to add attachments to my mail at hotmail neither, I better soon get on the horn I guess.
    Have a great week Bill. Bye 4 now

        .-.-.     ( ).-.\ : /.-.  ( .`:`. )  ( /|\ )`"` | `"`
    ~Iris xo

  11. Grinchy's Gone Wild says:

     
    Hey Bill-!!

     
    Easter time is coming next, & I have PROOF that the Easter Bunny is EVIL!!
     
    I’M SERIOUS,……… Come see for yourself!!
     
    ~Grinchy~
     

  12. Strawberry says:

    Top o’ the Morning/Evening to Ya!  Happy Belated St. Patrick’s Day.  Hopefully you didn’t get pinched.  Have a wonderful day!

  13. Lady says:


    2 glorious years of Blogging. Thanks for being a part of it all

  14. Lynore says:

    LMAO ~ glad you’re back!! loves this song omg too funny!
     😉

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