There I was sitting by myself at the bar, staring at my untouched drink. Suddenly a 6’8″ tattooed biker dude steps up next to me and grabs my drink, grins real big at me and gulps it down in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says as slams the empty glass back down on the bar. I started crying.
“Come on, man”, the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I just need to kick someone’s ass, not watch a grown man cry.”
“This is the worst day of my life”, I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the neighbor, and my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, drop a poison capsule in it and sit here waiting for the capsule to completely dissolve in my drink when some overgrown horse’s ass shows up wanting to pick a fight and drinks the whole damn thing! But enough about me, how’s your day been going so far?”
Meet the New Boss same as the Old Boss …
If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $400 a week. Why?”
The CEO said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster , Ohio , forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward it to anyone you know who might need a lift today.
Dear Kean Elementary:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. Her distress over the broken radio touched me and I knew this was God’s way of answering my prayers. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.
Have a happy sane, safe Sundae…I’ll take rocky road…!!!
(graphics and lay out by wayward bill, jokes provided by bill’s mom)